By *First posted Nov 16, 2020*
We found out that we were going to be parents April 20th of 2018; we were so excited! Several weeks in, it started to sink in that I was really pregnant and that scared me. These thoughts started forming in my head, like for example; we were not financially ready and am I going to be a good mother?
When I tell you that my husband was everything during my pregnancy, it’s the truth. He took care of me during my really sick times (all of my first trimester and some of my last), he made sure that I was getting enough rest, he kept my faith in God strong, and he made sure to let me know that everything was going to be okay. He is such an amazing, strong, and Godly man. He helped me to realize that through God anything is possible. Let go and let God is the phrase he says to me when I’m feeling stressed or down. And that phrase alone helped me through some rough times during my pregnancy.
During my first trimester, I was really sick. I couldn’t keep anything down and I wasn’t gaining any weight. I barely slept, so I was tired all of the time. I worked in retail at the time, so I was on my feet all of the time. Also, the smell of chicken cooking or the thought of chicken made me so sick, so I barely ate it during my pregnancy. It was a pretty rough time. My second trimester was a breeze, I wasn’t sick at all!! I could eat a lot of different things (chicken not so much). I also believe this is when I actually announced my pregnancy on social media. My third trimester was on and off for me, but I didn’t get as sick as in my first trimester. I did experience more back pain though and at this point, I was ready for her to make her exit and entrance.
Every single appointment during my last trimester, I was only dilated about a centimeter wide. It really discouraged me because I didn’t want to have a c-section. I read stories about c-sections going wrong and the outcome scared me. I know that there are women who have had c-sections and they are doing fine; my mom and sister included. But of course when it could happen to you, all kinds of thoughts can run through your head.
I did decide to work up until my due date because I wasn’t sure if she would be born early or late. By the way, she is the only baby in my family to be born on their due date. However, I did take it easy and I made sure to always let the doctor know if anything felt off; no matter how small. The Sunday before her due date, I was working my last shift. A little bit after I started working, I started to feel heavy contractions. They didn’t really hurt, but they were uncomfortable. They were different than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had experienced before. So I started to time them and write them down on a piece of paper. When the contractions got closer to each other, I called the on call doctor and they told me to come in.
Everything happened so fast. They started by monitoring the contractions and than checked to see if I was dilating; I was still about a centimeter. As the contractions got stronger, they decided to admit me and they moved me to the maternity ward. Eventually my on-call doctor decided to break my water because my cervix still wasn’t dilated enough. As soon as she broke my water, the pain came crashing down. I have never felt pain like that before, but they are correct when they say it is one of the worst pains imaginable and even harder to describe.
I am not a big fan of needles, but I became very acquainted with them during my pregnancy; blood test, vaccines, the RhoGam shot (I am Rh negative), and the epidural. If you are pregnant and going to use an epidural, don’t look up the needle; trust me. Thankfully my husband showed it to me after they inserted it in. I was always told by my mom that it was this long big needle and they put it in your back. I had decided long before I was pregnant that I was not getting an epidural. I have a very high pain tolerance, so I thought I could do it naturally. But boy did that change really quickly with those contractions. The person who administered the epidural explained everything about the process of insertion and what happens afterwards. I had my nurse and Lamar there to keep me calm. As soon as they inserted the needle the pain was gone.
I’m not sure how much time had passed because I was in and out of sleep. I remember at one point being so cold and shivering uncontrollably because of the pain medication. I do remember at one point in the night that my doctor came into the room to tell me that I had an infection. Because of that infection, pushing the baby out wasn’t the best option and it could affect her. They had to do the one thing that I didn’t want done; a c-section. Between the medications, tiredness, and still being in a little pain, I broke down. In that moment I felt like I had failed her already because I couldn’t have a vaginal birth like I wanted to. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t my fault and as long as she is healthy; that’s all that matters. Having my family in that room with me really helped me in that moment.
The procedure seemed like it happened so fast. One minute they moved me onto the table and the next they were pulling her out me. All the pain and sadness I felt before that moment was gone. As soon as they pulled her out and I looked at that chubby face, my heart grew ten times more. I never knew someone this small could change my life so much.
Becoming a mother has honestly made me a better person. She pushes me to be a better version of myself. I want to be an amazing example of a strong woman for her; like my mother is for me. I want to show her that all of your dreams and goals are achievable with hard work and determination. I want her to look at me and see a role model. Someone she tells everyone about and is proud to be her daughter. I pray to God and thank him everyday for this sweet little girl that he has blessed us with.
Thank you Aniyah Maye for making me a mother.
What do you think?